2 week update and roller coaster ride

I missed last weeks update. Im going to admit that I had some difficult feeling come up the past couple of weeks and succumbed to the sugar again. I didn't binge but am fairly certain I was eating too many calories. I've now been on my plan for 5 full days and am feeling better. I weigh myself in a few days. I'm sure that I haven't lost weight this month.

It's been rough emotionally for me. 6 months without binging or over eating has resulted in several emotions coming up and flooding me. People who aren't compulsive eaters may have a hard time understanding this. The experience of many who are has been that all the emotion buried by food come up. This can and usually is years of pent up bundles of emotion. Also, the mind will began to recall events from the past, some of which are traumatic.

So yes, I will be working through some of this in the program and with other professionals. I hope to see a nutritionist which should help as well. I feel happy that I am able to take care of myself and do what I need to do.

Two Months Down!

Well, I am 8 weeks or two months into this year long challenge. I also recieved my 6mo abstinence token in OA yesterday. This has been a difficult yet important process for me. I'm finding that the longer I refrain from binging and compulsively eating, the more I am feeling my emotions. This is a double edged sword for me in some ways. On one hand, I am greatful for the ability to feel a wide range of emotions which ebb and flow through out the day. When I was in the throws of my food addicitons I felt my feelings in a very compartmentalized way. On the other hand, I am strongly feeling some rather unpleasant emotions as well. I'm using a lot of CBT and mindfulness practices to help me but sometimes it's hard.

I've still had trouble dialing in my food plan. Every so often I still give into the urge to eat gluten or sugar. This usually leads to me feeling sick but craving those foods even more. I don't binge but do find myself sneaking these foods into my meals. My goal for the next 4 weeks is to stay completely away from gluten, lactose (allergens) and sugar (including natural things like honey). I've also managed to stay away from snacking for the past couple of weeks and intend on keeping that practice. When I eat meals when I'm hungry, I seem to do better.

This new workout is really kicking my body into high gear. My fitness goal for the next 4 weeks is to lift 3x/wk and swim/do water aerobics 2x/wk. Both this goal and the one about food have to do with setting some bouandaries for myself as well. I have some strong inner children who have crazy temper tantrums when they don't get their own way. :) So, this will be interesting. The key is to follow my action plan which includes doing fun and healthy things when I'm starting to feel depressed/anxious. Also, to continue calling people who are supportive when things get shitty.

Thanks for reading and blessings to you on your journey. :)

Entry for 5/13 7 weeks

Well this blog I going to reflect the nature of having an eating disorder. I haven't binged or overate in almost 6 months. The issue I that I still have a lot of trouble staying away from foods that my body reacts negatively too. Namely, sugar and gluten. Staying away from lactose is fairly easy.

I believe that I've still lost weight because my clothes are loose and ifit into tighter pants. I'm also doing a strongman type fat Loss workout with my buddy and trying to hit aqua fit classes. My fitness level I already improving. So there are pros and cons. I'm going to beat this eating disorder I know it. Slowly but surely my eating habits are improving.

I've also had some really cool people in my life. Recently some ladies have also come into the picture...with one in particular being extra special. This is a mixed bag of a lot of happy an a little scary. Weight can help people hide and I'm aware that I thought people didn't notice me. Well life is proving that to be wrong. Progress is slow but the goal is just that an no perfection. :)

Week 6...trudging along :)

So I've made it to weeks without eating sugar, gluten or dairy. I'm still having lethargic moments but things seem to be working out well. I also lost 5lbs this month...slowly but surely it's happening. I've also been contending with various illnesses and my joints acting up. No matter! I won't give up.

This week in general has been busy but also pretty good. I'm tired and looking forward to resting which I sometimes have an issue with. My brain has been moving rather quickly a well so that has been difficult. I ten to manage my anxiety fairly well but at times those thoughts can get the best of us.

My goal for this week is to start focusing on eating to lower my cholesterol. Have a good week everyone!

5 weeks into the challenge...kicking sugar

So it been almost 1 week since I stopped eating sugar including natural and artificial. For those of you who are keeping track that's no gluten, lactose, or other forms of sugar. This time around has been a bit easier. I believe it's because I've reached out for help and I am enjoying life more. I'm starting to come out of my shell so sugar doesn't seem as appealing.

I've realized that I've spent a lot of my time hiding, when it's clear that people have wanted to see me. Being fat renders a person invisible in many circumstances, regardless of gender. As I reduce my body weight and no longer remain the "biggest" person, I am seen. That's a bit of a struggle for me. However, as I learn to love myself and truly embrace that I and god are one, I find myself wanting to be seen.

I'm very excited because I am now part of the unity church and feel like I have been guided to be there. I will be teaching Sunday school to little kids! It's a great addition to my life which is already full of abundance and blessings. I have great people and work in my life. I can't imagine life getting too much better except for me reaching a couple of life goals.

Here they are:
-be a personal trainer
-run a social work type of program
-have children in my life (partly there now)
-start a healing center one day
-publish a whole book (I have had a story published)
-travel the u.s in an rv

Folks ask me from time to time if I would like a life partner. I am already blessed with great companions. I'm definitely not opposed to it if that's what the universe intends...but for now I am content.

Thanks for reading. Will weigh in may 1st and post the weight at www.bodybuilding.com/goalgetter28

1 month down

Well the first month is over. There have been some ups and downs food wise. I feel calmer now as I have removed gluten, dairy and now recently sugar from my diet. I was sick with yeast issues and this food change helped. I did have one slip up from sugar but that's all. Now I'm working on a lot of emotional stuff so hopefully I can stay abstinent. I'm getting a counselor soon to help me on the journey. I weigh in at the actual beginning of the month. I will keep you posted. This months goal is to try and focus on healthier food and less greasy stuff.

3 weeks in and several realizations

Hey everyone! It's been a few days since I've posted. It looks like I may be blogging weekly or as things happen. I'm finding I don't have time 2 keep a daily blog.

So I did some work on food issues an came to the realization that I was taught I could not trust myself and consequently my body when it comes to food. I began telling myself different things revolving around the idea that I can indeed trust. I also spoke to some people who are close to me about this. I've admitted I am powerless over my food addiction. As long as I refrain from gluten and milk I seem to do well. So I've decided against a more restrictive food plan... We will see what that does.

I've also been fairly sick w an infection. I missed aqua class for the past week and have only lifted 2xs this past week. Hopefully it clears up faster so I can get back in the pool!

Day 16...not very hungry

Well my anxiety was down a bit today which was good. I am taking some measures to help myself outside of food and fitness. Hopefully I will continue to heal on all levels. I would really like to be a personal trainer one day. If I can continue down this path of recovery im sure it will be sooner than later. I wasn't very hungry today an am having some other physical problems that required a bit of flushing the system. So I had a red machine and pomegranate juice mixed w a lot of water.

For meals it was just one:
Salad w bacon, avocado, chicken, egg and vinegrette. Some sweet potato fries

Not bad for today. Very tired. Going to go see a fried who is in town then off to my bed. I'm happy tomorrow because I will have some time alone.

Day 15...Eating issues in action

So today was a success in some ways and a setback in others. I'm writing the blog today while driving back from california. I ended up having sugar today which gave me the usual high that I get from it. The good news is that I haven't binged or eaten nearly as much sugar and crap as I would have on past road trips. Understand that for me this is progress but it's also definitely not where I want to be overall. Tomorrow I start my next whole 30 which may end up going for longer. Google whole 30 for more info. Basically it's meats, fish, fruit, veggies, nuts and some yams. There are no other condements etc except for things like olives, artichoke hearts etc.You can also eat olive oil and coconut oil. No smoking, drinking, etc either. That part is fairly easy for me. So here's the food:

Meal 1: burger patty, 2 bacon strips, veggies, fries and a bit of mayo.

Meal 2: frappucchino, $6 low carb burger no cheese.

Meal 3: tbd

Remember setbacks don't need to lead to binges, self loathing etc. see you tomorrow.

2 weeks down...Happy Easter!

Two weeks down and I'm doing alright. Life has taken some interesting turns and as a result my anxiety is way up. I'm working hard on managing it using the various techniques I also happen to teach to my clients. It can be hard to heal and work towards becoming a better person. I commend anyone who is trying. Easter is all about resurrecting a part of oneself which I believe is happening in my life. After tomorrow I will be back from my trip and starting another whole 30. Which means no hookah or caffeine and some more limits on some of the food I eat. When I did this before, my anxiety went way down. One thing I have noticed even with my food like this is that I have very little depression.

Today's food:
Meal 1: I had 2 plates at brunch which consisted of meat, veggies, fruit and eggs. I limited myself to one mimosa and water even though it was unlimited.

Meal 2: A couple BBQ Ribs minis sauce and a bit of potato salad.

Happy Easter folks. Stay tuned because whole 30 can be a wild ride.

Day 13...tiring

Well today was good but tiring. I helped zamis family in Cali move. We worked 9 hrs and at least 8hrs of that was lifting and moving things. I am do sore and tired. Tho I realized I'm able to do a lot more than I could previously. I had less anxiety today. Maybe I need to stay away from caffeine.

Today's food:
Egg whites with veggie, fruit cup and turkey bacon.

Me 2: potato skins, prime rib, baked potato fried, veggides

Day 12...sigh

Today was kind of rough. I felt stressed and anxious most of the day and I'm not fully sure why. I ended up eating too much again. I'm thinking a whole30 is in order. I seem to be replacing sugar with French fries and white potatoes. I'm craving sugar like crazy, especially when I eat white potatoes. The sugar sweet condiments are also causing me angst. I'm concerned it's adding to my anxiety. I also eliminated the raw multi from my vitamins an that seems to have settled my stomach.

Food for today :(

Meal 1: hash browns, eggs, bacon and americano

Meal 2: portabella shroom, zucchini, deli turkey and a few almonds.

Meal 3: wings and fries, carrot sticks

Meal 4: burger patty, bacon, fries

I'm in California right now. Hoping to have fun and help out a friend.

Day 11...time flys

Well this entry is for yesterday but I fell asleep before I could write it. I was so incredibly busy with work an personal life that it was a bit crazy. I've also had really bad insomnia the last two nights. I've only been able to sleep like 4-5hrs per night. I was so busy and sleepy yesterday that I really didn't eat much. That's a good thing given I've been eating a bit much. Life has been getting better and better so that helps.

Onto the food:

Meal 1: 4 deviled egg halve, salsa, fruit, burger w veggies, ketchup, mustard and a small fry.

Meal 2: grapes and turkey lunch meat

Day 10...too much snacking

So it was another long day today and I'm tired. Went to aqua fit early in the morning and it was cancelled. So my friend and I did our own version. Emotionally I felt good though I became more stressed as the day went on with work. I've realized that I new to cut out nuts and chips as snacks. I'm eating way too much via snacking. If something has nuts by itself that's cool but I need to focus more on eating meals.

Today's meals:
Meal 1: omelette with ham and veggies, fruit, hash browns.

Meal 2: larabar and nuts

Meal 3: more nuts, chicken breast, sweet potato

Meal 4: hamburger patty, egg, bacon, fries.

Tomorrow I'm going to work on eating 3 meals and not snacking.

Day 9...Long Day and Some Stress Eating

Today was really long. I woke up feeling a bit depressed and it took a bit for me to get out of bed. When I finally did, it was still fairly early. I went and worked out with my friend Zami. I did a one thousand pound leg press for 4 reps. It was pretty damn cool. I haven't been able to do that for a while. We did a great weight lifting workout. Work was very long but still fun. First, I lifted a handful of heavy furniture. Then work took a lot of mental energy. I'm an identified "super user" for a new computer system we are using and it just started this week...so yeah...we're all going crazy. :) I ate some potato chips today which was a bad idea. My stomach was not happy so it looks like potato chips will not be happening.

Oh I had forgotten to post that I lost 4lbs over the first week of doing this plan. I won't be weighing in again until the beginning of next month. I noticed that my physical abilities have improved which is great.

Onto the food:

Meal 1: Almonds and a few grapes

Meal 2: veggie and egg omelet. Hash browns. Fruit

Meal 3: peanuts and chips (no more)

Meal 4: Home made buffalo chicken tenders and a sweet potato

Meal 5: grapes and a couple pieces of salami.

I was pretty hungry...

Tomorrow is aqua fit class. I'm excited to join the elders for some more healthy fun!

Day 8...45min of Cardio? Oh My!

Today was a fairly calm day. I went to the gym intending on taking the aqua fit class but they were servicing the pool. I found it odd that they choose the hour that the class was taking place to do it. So, i decided to do some cardio. Lasted 45 minutes doing 2 different machines. It was alright. I tend to dislike working out on machines so I'm surprised I did it for so long. Went to sauna and saw my dad today. I haven't seen him in a while so it was cool. My grandma's cancer is back in full force and I'm afraid she won't be with us long. It's sad and I am just here feeling my feelings.

Here is the food:
Meal 1: Big salad with chicken breast, some turkey soup and a sweet potato

Meal 2: peanuts and a larabar

Meal 3: lemon pepper chicken breast and some blueberries, tea.

Tomorrow is weight lifting day!

One week down...munchies and more

Today was another roller coaster sort of day. It's incredible to me that just eating sugar and flour products can have such a numbing effect. Though I haven't been binging or compulsively eating I can see that I've still engaged in some emotional eating... Well now the feelings are here full force. People who are a normal weight or even slightly overweight seem to have a hard time understanding what it's like to live as obese most of your life. Everything seems to take so much effort. Regardless if you are trying to take a physical action or opening yourself up to another ( especially someone your into sexually romantically) it takes a lot. Society is not kind to bigger people. Many bigger people are not kind to themselves. It's very cyclical and I've been stuck in it for most of my life. Though I am determined to break the cycle with the help of a higher power...one who often manifests itself though loving people in my life. I never lose hope and faith. This is what has gotten me through life's challenges and this one is no different. The bordem munchies have totally kicked in. I'm smoking a little hookah but it doesn't help. It's not the best choice either but it's important to take one thing at a time. This has been one of the lower eating weekends of my life. Though I'm hoping to eat healthier on the weekend as time goes on.

Onto the food:
Meal 1: omelette with chicken, bacon and veggies. Apple slices.

Meal 2: 5 guys burger no bun with an order of fries, veggies and mayo.

Meal 3: handful of peanuts and strawberries

Tomorrow is weigh in day for the month. Let's see...

Day 6...5k an mood swings

Got up early this morning and walked a 5k with some friends in about 40min. This was for an organization known as NAMI. The walk was fairly easy. I went swimming after that then out 2 a couple bbqs. I had a few mood swings today and am ending the night on a sad feeling. I'm my own worst enemy and I'd I could get out of the way I know I would be better. Oh well! At least I'm not eating bout it.

Onto food:

Meal 1: larabar, palmful of almonds w raisins
Meal 2: pork and roasted veggies.
Meal 3: hamburger patty
Meal 4: hamburger patty, onions, bacon, mayo and sweet potatoe fries,oj

Day 5...weights and cloudiness

Wow I was really distracted today. My mind seemed to keep wandering and I caught myself staring into space a lot. Don't know what that's about. I did weight lift today and had fun. I'm definitely losing some strength. That's to be expected initially with a calorie restriction and lower carbs. I'm not necessarily doing that on purpose but it is what's happening. I feel like I have been on a very long bulk :) now its time to cut down. I had a lot of cravings today but managed to stick 2 plan. I did have burger and fries at Denny's without the bun... Not bad bit not the healthiest either. That part of making something a lifestyle though...oh and I must have dropped some weight already. I fit in a smaller pair of pants! Will weigh in on Monday for my monthly weigh in.

Food for today:
Meal 1: small potato, orange pepper and an egg cooked in olive oil.

Meal 2: more buffalo tenders from yesterday, small sweet potato and mixed greens. Iced tea w/o sugar of course.

Meal 3: hamburger, 2 bacon, egg and French fries.

Tomorrow I'm supposed to do a 5 k for NAMI. We will see.

Day 4-Power of positive thinking

Today felt a lot better in regards to my moods and my thoughts. I think that I was starting to get into another funk because life has been rather odd this past month. Today felt like the fog was starting to slowly lift. I didn't feel as run down today but I also had some caffine which probably helped. I've been reading this book about how thinking about God and thinking positively effects the mind on a neurological level. This has got me working hard to practice what I preach and work on being more mindful. My thoughts are slowly becoming more positive which is a bit step in overall wellness. It also makes healthy eating easier. I'm enjoying spending time alone or with Nana dog contemplating positive aspects of the universe. The universe has also started to send me some fun people to talk to and hang around which I believe is a direct result of positive thinking.

It took me a while to get hungry today. I didn't eat til fairly late. My friend and I went to water aerobics and worked out with many elders. It was actually a lot of fun and my heart rate went way up. You can totally use the water to get a great workout. The trainer was nice too so that was definately a plus.

Here's the food for today:

Meal 1: small package almonds
Meal 2: buffalo chicken (skinless tenders with some olive oil and tabasco buffalo sauce), mixed greens and a sweet potato. Iced tea no sugar.
Meal 3: Key lime larabar. Iced tea no sugar.
Meal 4: eggs, potatoes and a red pepper cooked in olive oil with salsa. A banana.

Day 3-and the cravings begin

Today was a very odd day. I had this looming sense of anxiety all day and couldn't quite place it. Life has been rather hectic lately so that could be a part of it. I find myself having a hard time getting motivated to carry on with my daily tasks. This weird feeling of anxiety usually happens when I follow a food plan like this but there is usually also a trigger. I think part of it is that my cravings are here in full swing at day 3. I really wanted to eat a lemon bar or brownie at the coffee shop but had to tell myself no. I was also tired so that didn't help the situation. Luckily I was also with friends who get what i'm going through so that helped.

Today was a strange day with food. I was on some sort of weird omelette kick. Guess my body needed something that they had. Here's the meals

Meal 1: Vegetable omelette with hash browns and fruit

Meal 2: hamburger patty, sweet potato, broccoli and salsa.

Meal 3: Vegetable and ham omelette and grapes

I'm going to try to hit the sack early today. I'm glad that this day is done and hope tomorrow is a bit better. Everyone seemed so on edge today, myself included. Time to get nana and rest. Here's a picture of her. She's a great dog.

Day 2 down...lessons learned

Today was a chill day but I'm going to end up being up late. Smoked some hookah which was probably unwise while making so many diet shifts. My dog was really calm and nice today. I've been calmer too which she seems to reflect. I'm taking note. The universe seems to be sending me new opportunities as I make shifts in my life. I also realize I need to buy more food to cook at home when I get paid fri. Eating out makes making healthy choices difficult though not impossible.

Zami and I worked out today. 1hr and a half of weights. We did a lot of cable work. I did another 30 min in the pool. Did high knees, jumps and stretches. I woke up with the aches so it was hard to get motivated. I'm glad I did. My muscles always seem to ache with these diet changes. I also have a low grade headache.

Onto the food:
Meal 1:small pack almonds per workout.
Meal 2: eggs with uncured bfast sausage and peppers.
Meal 3: grass fed patty, small sweet potato and broccoli.
Meal 4: pistachios, grapes and tea
Meal 5: steak, veggies, roasted potatoes and a couple buffalo wings.

I noticed I felt really hungry today. Let's see what happens with my hunger levels as time goes on.

Day One Down...Feeling Tired

It's the end of day one and I'm feeling tired. This day one has not been much different from any other first day where my body begins to detox. I keep asking myself why I chose to go back to eating sugar, gluten containing grains and milk (my worst allergen). At the same time, I recognize that there is no point in beating myself up about it. So far, I have a headache and am feeling some anxiety. I'm also very tired. All normal things for me when I start eating this way again. I know that in about 2-3 weeks my body will adapt and I will start to feel better.

Here's the food for today:
1st meal was a mixed green salad with uncured genoa salami and applegate farms turkey breast. It also had some spicy carrots and olives. Also an apple

2nd meal was a small yam, a grassfed burger patty and some broccoli with salsa.

3rd meal was a small pack of almonds

4th meal was from a mexican fast good place in town because I was in a hurry. Had a couple eggs, bacon and potatoes with green tomatillo and avocado salsa.

Thoughts for today. I'm realizing how blessed I am. It's been a rough couple of weeks in my personal life and I feel like I purged some yucky energy from my life and my body. This allowed other people and positive energy to enter back in. I'm really happy that one of my best buds, Zami decided to do this with me. I'm also greatful for my friend ari who helps keep me emotionally on track when I start to lose it a bit. I'm really a lucky man to have such good buds. I'm also surrounded by great folks at work and in life. I was glad to go to an OA meeting tonight and hang out with some people from there after the meeting.

I'm going to work on trying to stay more positive. I feel like I need to make an effort to say nice things and be more positive in my day to day interaction with others. So that and meditating more are my two goals. Life is going to start to slow down in the next couple of weeks and so I feel like I need to not try and plan every free moment of my life. A part of staying positive is also doing things one enjoys. I have hobbies and things that I like to do that take up time and I need to remember that.

Off to get a lot of sleep so Zami and I can kill it in the gym.

Here is a picture of Zami and I making fun of our street fair food a couple days ago..

THE DETAILS OF "THE PLAN"

Food is a tricky thing for me. It has always been this way. There are many foods that trigger me to have the desire to binge or strongly overeat. We don't need to get into the science of it, because it just is. I have had several different people who are doctors and/or who have studied nutrition tell em that many foods have a stronger effect on me because I am overweight. I understand the logic and science behind it and tend to agree. This post is going to focus on what foods I will be eating. You can assume that if it is not listed here, I am trying hard not to eat it. Partly, those foods are being excluded because they effect my health (sometimes literally) and partly because I want to stick my head in a huge vat of them when I eat just one. Professionals have been consulted and all is good. Unless something happens over the course of the year my food plan will stay the same. The workout and supplements that I post here will probably change as time goes on. I'm lucky in that I do enjoy working out and being active. Not all people who are fat (I use that world freely) are lazy or unfit. I can do a hell of a lot at this weight that some people much smaller than me can. that's because I have always enjoyed moving around and exercising...i just "enjoyed" food far too much. Ok onto the details...

Food Plan:

Once again, this is a list of stuff I will eat. Better to focus on what one "can or will do" than the opposite.

FOODS:

*All animal proteins including cured meats (yes they have a small, tiny, little bit of sugar), fish etc. I will also try to eat leaner cuts of meat when possible because I tend to feel better when I do this. Eggs too.

*All fruits, including dried fruits (no sugar added) and vegetables including starches and root vegetables. Yes white potatoes too. And yes avocados!

*Nuts and Nut butters (no sugar added)

*Occasional soy based products such as tofu.

*All oils with a focus on olive oil. Butter is cool too. So is animal fat.

*Spices of all sorts are great. So is anything canned or bottled as long as it has this stuff in it and nothing else.

*A small amount of wine used in cooking various dishes and sauces. A small (like 5th or greater) amount of sugar as an ingredient in something. Let's see how this one works out in the long run.

DRINKS:
Juice that is natural and not from concentrate with no added sugar
A LOT of water (I live in the dessert)
Tea and Coffee with nothing added to it

SUPPLEMENTS:
This is what I currently take
2000 IU vit D
Whole foods multi
2000mg glucosamine (knee problems)
Fish oil capsule
100mg 5htp at night (great for sleep and depression)

That's it. There is no weighing or measuring. There is no counting calories, macro nutrients etc. There are no specified number of meals or meal times. I simply eat when hungry and stop when I feel satisfied. The only issue in regards to weight loss is one that I mentioned in the first post. I can potentially eat a lot without feeling satisfied. Though these foods tend to have a satiating effect on me so we will see.This is about overall wellness and I can say that the months I have been able to eat this way, I have felt so much better emotionally and spiritually as well. That's what's truely important to me.

And here is my general workout plan:

Weight lifting 3-4 times per week. If folks want i will elaborate on this in another post.
Water aerobic activity 3-6 times per week
Daily stretching activities
Dancing and other fun stuff whenever possible.

More to come tomorrow. Phew I'm a bit nervous but I know I can do it!

SO JOE...WHAT'S THIS BLOG ABOUT ANYWAY?

WHAT'S THE PURPOSE OF THIS BLOG?
I started this blog to publically document a commitment that I have made to myself. That commitment is to get as healthy as possible over the next 356 days (you can see the countdown on the homepage). I have done a great deal of work on myself spiritually, mentally and emotionally. I have also made some improvements physically. Now, I hope to bring all four of those aspects together and focus especially on changing my relationship with food. I've probably done enough research, personal experiementation and seen enough "health and wellness" professionals to least several life times. This blog is going to document me doing what I have learned works for me. It is in no, way shape or form intended to say what is right for someone else. Why document it in a blog? Because I would love to have your support and feedback as I document my journey. I will post a blog every night unless I have absolutely no access to internet. My secondary goal for this blog is for folks to find something useful for their own lives. Therefore please help keep things positive. This is not a space to debate nutrition and fitness. I welcome raw emotions about body image, relationships withe food etc. Also we will not be arguing the validity of eating disorders vs. will power on this blog. Thank you!

WHAT'S YOUR STORY?
I'm going to give you the cliff notes here. There will be more of my story as time goes on. Long story short, I have been overweight or morbidly obese most of my life. There was a short time when I was a little kid that I was a "normal weight". So yeah...food has been my friend, crutch, addiction and self-abuse tool for many years. I'm a compulsive overeater. I used to binge a lot and didn't realize it. Then I learned about eating disorders in graduate school (I am an LMSW) and knew I had one. I've been on every single diet you could possibly imagine. I've lost and gained several hundred pounds over my 30 years on this planet. I have eaten for every possible emotion, event and circumstance that comes to mind. With that said, I have made a lot of progress over the past 2 years. I began eating disorder treatement approximately 2 years ago at 5'5" and 325lbs (not my heaviest but close). The nutritionist had me doing intuitive eating. I lost and maintained at 295. I joined Overeaters Anonymous in October of 2010. Since then I have gotten down to 275 and have generally stayed there. Maintaining is better than gaining and losing. I have also been weight lifting on and off for many years now. I have been consistent for the past year and a half. I also do different cardio-vascular activities.

WHY OVEREATER'S ANONYMOUS (OA)?
The simple answer is that I needed to find a group of people who were spiritual who could understand what the hell I was going through. OA provided me with that and the 12 steps which have brought about great spiritual and emotional healing. I've been blessed with meeting great people and finding a place that can help me stay grounded. There are tools to use there. I no longer feel isolated and different. I've learned to love myself and my body more...

I have been "abstinent" on and off in OA. Currently I am going on well over 90 days. I have it written on a calendar somewhere when I will hit my 6mo. While OA does have a specific definition on abstinence (go to www.oa.org) there are differing ideas on this. My sponsor and I have agreed on no binging and no compulsive over eating. The specific foods are not part of this for me and it will continue to be that way FOR ME. Other folks mileage may vary. This is not designed for "Weight loss" but rather to stop engaging in compulsive food behaviors. Part of my problem is my body is used to taking in a lot of food because it is what I have done for years...so this alone makes it hard to lose weight. OA has tools, one of them is a food plan and I will share mine with you in this blog's second post.

WHERE CAN I FIND YOUR BODY STATS, LIFTING STATS, MEASUREMENTS ETC.?
There is a link to my bodyspace profile on bodybuilding.com on the homepage. Please feel free to click and view it if you so wish. I will talk about my weight from time to time but it will not be the focus of this blog. I may also post pictures from time to time here. The bulk of this blog will be narritive documenting a journey.

SO WHAT'S THE PLAN JOE?
This blog's second post will be more specific in regards to food and exercise. The plan is to adhere to my food and exercise goals as much as possible, one day at a time, without expecting perfection. You will see a lot on this blog about 12 steps, spirituality, mindfulness, tools, friends, family, pets and emotions. They are all part of the plan too...and so are you :D