5 weeks into the challenge...kicking sugar

So it been almost 1 week since I stopped eating sugar including natural and artificial. For those of you who are keeping track that's no gluten, lactose, or other forms of sugar. This time around has been a bit easier. I believe it's because I've reached out for help and I am enjoying life more. I'm starting to come out of my shell so sugar doesn't seem as appealing.

I've realized that I've spent a lot of my time hiding, when it's clear that people have wanted to see me. Being fat renders a person invisible in many circumstances, regardless of gender. As I reduce my body weight and no longer remain the "biggest" person, I am seen. That's a bit of a struggle for me. However, as I learn to love myself and truly embrace that I and god are one, I find myself wanting to be seen.

I'm very excited because I am now part of the unity church and feel like I have been guided to be there. I will be teaching Sunday school to little kids! It's a great addition to my life which is already full of abundance and blessings. I have great people and work in my life. I can't imagine life getting too much better except for me reaching a couple of life goals.

Here they are:
-be a personal trainer
-run a social work type of program
-have children in my life (partly there now)
-start a healing center one day
-publish a whole book (I have had a story published)
-travel the u.s in an rv

Folks ask me from time to time if I would like a life partner. I am already blessed with great companions. I'm definitely not opposed to it if that's what the universe intends...but for now I am content.

Thanks for reading. Will weigh in may 1st and post the weight at www.bodybuilding.com/goalgetter28

1 month down

Well the first month is over. There have been some ups and downs food wise. I feel calmer now as I have removed gluten, dairy and now recently sugar from my diet. I was sick with yeast issues and this food change helped. I did have one slip up from sugar but that's all. Now I'm working on a lot of emotional stuff so hopefully I can stay abstinent. I'm getting a counselor soon to help me on the journey. I weigh in at the actual beginning of the month. I will keep you posted. This months goal is to try and focus on healthier food and less greasy stuff.

3 weeks in and several realizations

Hey everyone! It's been a few days since I've posted. It looks like I may be blogging weekly or as things happen. I'm finding I don't have time 2 keep a daily blog.

So I did some work on food issues an came to the realization that I was taught I could not trust myself and consequently my body when it comes to food. I began telling myself different things revolving around the idea that I can indeed trust. I also spoke to some people who are close to me about this. I've admitted I am powerless over my food addiction. As long as I refrain from gluten and milk I seem to do well. So I've decided against a more restrictive food plan... We will see what that does.

I've also been fairly sick w an infection. I missed aqua class for the past week and have only lifted 2xs this past week. Hopefully it clears up faster so I can get back in the pool!

Day 16...not very hungry

Well my anxiety was down a bit today which was good. I am taking some measures to help myself outside of food and fitness. Hopefully I will continue to heal on all levels. I would really like to be a personal trainer one day. If I can continue down this path of recovery im sure it will be sooner than later. I wasn't very hungry today an am having some other physical problems that required a bit of flushing the system. So I had a red machine and pomegranate juice mixed w a lot of water.

For meals it was just one:
Salad w bacon, avocado, chicken, egg and vinegrette. Some sweet potato fries

Not bad for today. Very tired. Going to go see a fried who is in town then off to my bed. I'm happy tomorrow because I will have some time alone.

Day 15...Eating issues in action

So today was a success in some ways and a setback in others. I'm writing the blog today while driving back from california. I ended up having sugar today which gave me the usual high that I get from it. The good news is that I haven't binged or eaten nearly as much sugar and crap as I would have on past road trips. Understand that for me this is progress but it's also definitely not where I want to be overall. Tomorrow I start my next whole 30 which may end up going for longer. Google whole 30 for more info. Basically it's meats, fish, fruit, veggies, nuts and some yams. There are no other condements etc except for things like olives, artichoke hearts etc.You can also eat olive oil and coconut oil. No smoking, drinking, etc either. That part is fairly easy for me. So here's the food:

Meal 1: burger patty, 2 bacon strips, veggies, fries and a bit of mayo.

Meal 2: frappucchino, $6 low carb burger no cheese.

Meal 3: tbd

Remember setbacks don't need to lead to binges, self loathing etc. see you tomorrow.

2 weeks down...Happy Easter!

Two weeks down and I'm doing alright. Life has taken some interesting turns and as a result my anxiety is way up. I'm working hard on managing it using the various techniques I also happen to teach to my clients. It can be hard to heal and work towards becoming a better person. I commend anyone who is trying. Easter is all about resurrecting a part of oneself which I believe is happening in my life. After tomorrow I will be back from my trip and starting another whole 30. Which means no hookah or caffeine and some more limits on some of the food I eat. When I did this before, my anxiety went way down. One thing I have noticed even with my food like this is that I have very little depression.

Today's food:
Meal 1: I had 2 plates at brunch which consisted of meat, veggies, fruit and eggs. I limited myself to one mimosa and water even though it was unlimited.

Meal 2: A couple BBQ Ribs minis sauce and a bit of potato salad.

Happy Easter folks. Stay tuned because whole 30 can be a wild ride.

Day 13...tiring

Well today was good but tiring. I helped zamis family in Cali move. We worked 9 hrs and at least 8hrs of that was lifting and moving things. I am do sore and tired. Tho I realized I'm able to do a lot more than I could previously. I had less anxiety today. Maybe I need to stay away from caffeine.

Today's food:
Egg whites with veggie, fruit cup and turkey bacon.

Me 2: potato skins, prime rib, baked potato fried, veggides

Day 12...sigh

Today was kind of rough. I felt stressed and anxious most of the day and I'm not fully sure why. I ended up eating too much again. I'm thinking a whole30 is in order. I seem to be replacing sugar with French fries and white potatoes. I'm craving sugar like crazy, especially when I eat white potatoes. The sugar sweet condiments are also causing me angst. I'm concerned it's adding to my anxiety. I also eliminated the raw multi from my vitamins an that seems to have settled my stomach.

Food for today :(

Meal 1: hash browns, eggs, bacon and americano

Meal 2: portabella shroom, zucchini, deli turkey and a few almonds.

Meal 3: wings and fries, carrot sticks

Meal 4: burger patty, bacon, fries

I'm in California right now. Hoping to have fun and help out a friend.

Day 11...time flys

Well this entry is for yesterday but I fell asleep before I could write it. I was so incredibly busy with work an personal life that it was a bit crazy. I've also had really bad insomnia the last two nights. I've only been able to sleep like 4-5hrs per night. I was so busy and sleepy yesterday that I really didn't eat much. That's a good thing given I've been eating a bit much. Life has been getting better and better so that helps.

Onto the food:

Meal 1: 4 deviled egg halve, salsa, fruit, burger w veggies, ketchup, mustard and a small fry.

Meal 2: grapes and turkey lunch meat

Day 10...too much snacking

So it was another long day today and I'm tired. Went to aqua fit early in the morning and it was cancelled. So my friend and I did our own version. Emotionally I felt good though I became more stressed as the day went on with work. I've realized that I new to cut out nuts and chips as snacks. I'm eating way too much via snacking. If something has nuts by itself that's cool but I need to focus more on eating meals.

Today's meals:
Meal 1: omelette with ham and veggies, fruit, hash browns.

Meal 2: larabar and nuts

Meal 3: more nuts, chicken breast, sweet potato

Meal 4: hamburger patty, egg, bacon, fries.

Tomorrow I'm going to work on eating 3 meals and not snacking.

Day 9...Long Day and Some Stress Eating

Today was really long. I woke up feeling a bit depressed and it took a bit for me to get out of bed. When I finally did, it was still fairly early. I went and worked out with my friend Zami. I did a one thousand pound leg press for 4 reps. It was pretty damn cool. I haven't been able to do that for a while. We did a great weight lifting workout. Work was very long but still fun. First, I lifted a handful of heavy furniture. Then work took a lot of mental energy. I'm an identified "super user" for a new computer system we are using and it just started this week...so yeah...we're all going crazy. :) I ate some potato chips today which was a bad idea. My stomach was not happy so it looks like potato chips will not be happening.

Oh I had forgotten to post that I lost 4lbs over the first week of doing this plan. I won't be weighing in again until the beginning of next month. I noticed that my physical abilities have improved which is great.

Onto the food:

Meal 1: Almonds and a few grapes

Meal 2: veggie and egg omelet. Hash browns. Fruit

Meal 3: peanuts and chips (no more)

Meal 4: Home made buffalo chicken tenders and a sweet potato

Meal 5: grapes and a couple pieces of salami.

I was pretty hungry...

Tomorrow is aqua fit class. I'm excited to join the elders for some more healthy fun!

Day 8...45min of Cardio? Oh My!

Today was a fairly calm day. I went to the gym intending on taking the aqua fit class but they were servicing the pool. I found it odd that they choose the hour that the class was taking place to do it. So, i decided to do some cardio. Lasted 45 minutes doing 2 different machines. It was alright. I tend to dislike working out on machines so I'm surprised I did it for so long. Went to sauna and saw my dad today. I haven't seen him in a while so it was cool. My grandma's cancer is back in full force and I'm afraid she won't be with us long. It's sad and I am just here feeling my feelings.

Here is the food:
Meal 1: Big salad with chicken breast, some turkey soup and a sweet potato

Meal 2: peanuts and a larabar

Meal 3: lemon pepper chicken breast and some blueberries, tea.

Tomorrow is weight lifting day!

One week down...munchies and more

Today was another roller coaster sort of day. It's incredible to me that just eating sugar and flour products can have such a numbing effect. Though I haven't been binging or compulsively eating I can see that I've still engaged in some emotional eating... Well now the feelings are here full force. People who are a normal weight or even slightly overweight seem to have a hard time understanding what it's like to live as obese most of your life. Everything seems to take so much effort. Regardless if you are trying to take a physical action or opening yourself up to another ( especially someone your into sexually romantically) it takes a lot. Society is not kind to bigger people. Many bigger people are not kind to themselves. It's very cyclical and I've been stuck in it for most of my life. Though I am determined to break the cycle with the help of a higher power...one who often manifests itself though loving people in my life. I never lose hope and faith. This is what has gotten me through life's challenges and this one is no different. The bordem munchies have totally kicked in. I'm smoking a little hookah but it doesn't help. It's not the best choice either but it's important to take one thing at a time. This has been one of the lower eating weekends of my life. Though I'm hoping to eat healthier on the weekend as time goes on.

Onto the food:
Meal 1: omelette with chicken, bacon and veggies. Apple slices.

Meal 2: 5 guys burger no bun with an order of fries, veggies and mayo.

Meal 3: handful of peanuts and strawberries

Tomorrow is weigh in day for the month. Let's see...

Day 6...5k an mood swings

Got up early this morning and walked a 5k with some friends in about 40min. This was for an organization known as NAMI. The walk was fairly easy. I went swimming after that then out 2 a couple bbqs. I had a few mood swings today and am ending the night on a sad feeling. I'm my own worst enemy and I'd I could get out of the way I know I would be better. Oh well! At least I'm not eating bout it.

Onto food:

Meal 1: larabar, palmful of almonds w raisins
Meal 2: pork and roasted veggies.
Meal 3: hamburger patty
Meal 4: hamburger patty, onions, bacon, mayo and sweet potatoe fries,oj