2 week update and roller coaster ride

I missed last weeks update. Im going to admit that I had some difficult feeling come up the past couple of weeks and succumbed to the sugar again. I didn't binge but am fairly certain I was eating too many calories. I've now been on my plan for 5 full days and am feeling better. I weigh myself in a few days. I'm sure that I haven't lost weight this month.

It's been rough emotionally for me. 6 months without binging or over eating has resulted in several emotions coming up and flooding me. People who aren't compulsive eaters may have a hard time understanding this. The experience of many who are has been that all the emotion buried by food come up. This can and usually is years of pent up bundles of emotion. Also, the mind will began to recall events from the past, some of which are traumatic.

So yes, I will be working through some of this in the program and with other professionals. I hope to see a nutritionist which should help as well. I feel happy that I am able to take care of myself and do what I need to do.

Two Months Down!

Well, I am 8 weeks or two months into this year long challenge. I also recieved my 6mo abstinence token in OA yesterday. This has been a difficult yet important process for me. I'm finding that the longer I refrain from binging and compulsively eating, the more I am feeling my emotions. This is a double edged sword for me in some ways. On one hand, I am greatful for the ability to feel a wide range of emotions which ebb and flow through out the day. When I was in the throws of my food addicitons I felt my feelings in a very compartmentalized way. On the other hand, I am strongly feeling some rather unpleasant emotions as well. I'm using a lot of CBT and mindfulness practices to help me but sometimes it's hard.

I've still had trouble dialing in my food plan. Every so often I still give into the urge to eat gluten or sugar. This usually leads to me feeling sick but craving those foods even more. I don't binge but do find myself sneaking these foods into my meals. My goal for the next 4 weeks is to stay completely away from gluten, lactose (allergens) and sugar (including natural things like honey). I've also managed to stay away from snacking for the past couple of weeks and intend on keeping that practice. When I eat meals when I'm hungry, I seem to do better.

This new workout is really kicking my body into high gear. My fitness goal for the next 4 weeks is to lift 3x/wk and swim/do water aerobics 2x/wk. Both this goal and the one about food have to do with setting some bouandaries for myself as well. I have some strong inner children who have crazy temper tantrums when they don't get their own way. :) So, this will be interesting. The key is to follow my action plan which includes doing fun and healthy things when I'm starting to feel depressed/anxious. Also, to continue calling people who are supportive when things get shitty.

Thanks for reading and blessings to you on your journey. :)

Entry for 5/13 7 weeks

Well this blog I going to reflect the nature of having an eating disorder. I haven't binged or overate in almost 6 months. The issue I that I still have a lot of trouble staying away from foods that my body reacts negatively too. Namely, sugar and gluten. Staying away from lactose is fairly easy.

I believe that I've still lost weight because my clothes are loose and ifit into tighter pants. I'm also doing a strongman type fat Loss workout with my buddy and trying to hit aqua fit classes. My fitness level I already improving. So there are pros and cons. I'm going to beat this eating disorder I know it. Slowly but surely my eating habits are improving.

I've also had some really cool people in my life. Recently some ladies have also come into the picture...with one in particular being extra special. This is a mixed bag of a lot of happy an a little scary. Weight can help people hide and I'm aware that I thought people didn't notice me. Well life is proving that to be wrong. Progress is slow but the goal is just that an no perfection. :)

Week 6...trudging along :)

So I've made it to weeks without eating sugar, gluten or dairy. I'm still having lethargic moments but things seem to be working out well. I also lost 5lbs this month...slowly but surely it's happening. I've also been contending with various illnesses and my joints acting up. No matter! I won't give up.

This week in general has been busy but also pretty good. I'm tired and looking forward to resting which I sometimes have an issue with. My brain has been moving rather quickly a well so that has been difficult. I ten to manage my anxiety fairly well but at times those thoughts can get the best of us.

My goal for this week is to start focusing on eating to lower my cholesterol. Have a good week everyone!

5 weeks into the challenge...kicking sugar

So it been almost 1 week since I stopped eating sugar including natural and artificial. For those of you who are keeping track that's no gluten, lactose, or other forms of sugar. This time around has been a bit easier. I believe it's because I've reached out for help and I am enjoying life more. I'm starting to come out of my shell so sugar doesn't seem as appealing.

I've realized that I've spent a lot of my time hiding, when it's clear that people have wanted to see me. Being fat renders a person invisible in many circumstances, regardless of gender. As I reduce my body weight and no longer remain the "biggest" person, I am seen. That's a bit of a struggle for me. However, as I learn to love myself and truly embrace that I and god are one, I find myself wanting to be seen.

I'm very excited because I am now part of the unity church and feel like I have been guided to be there. I will be teaching Sunday school to little kids! It's a great addition to my life which is already full of abundance and blessings. I have great people and work in my life. I can't imagine life getting too much better except for me reaching a couple of life goals.

Here they are:
-be a personal trainer
-run a social work type of program
-have children in my life (partly there now)
-start a healing center one day
-publish a whole book (I have had a story published)
-travel the u.s in an rv

Folks ask me from time to time if I would like a life partner. I am already blessed with great companions. I'm definitely not opposed to it if that's what the universe intends...but for now I am content.

Thanks for reading. Will weigh in may 1st and post the weight at www.bodybuilding.com/goalgetter28

1 month down

Well the first month is over. There have been some ups and downs food wise. I feel calmer now as I have removed gluten, dairy and now recently sugar from my diet. I was sick with yeast issues and this food change helped. I did have one slip up from sugar but that's all. Now I'm working on a lot of emotional stuff so hopefully I can stay abstinent. I'm getting a counselor soon to help me on the journey. I weigh in at the actual beginning of the month. I will keep you posted. This months goal is to try and focus on healthier food and less greasy stuff.

3 weeks in and several realizations

Hey everyone! It's been a few days since I've posted. It looks like I may be blogging weekly or as things happen. I'm finding I don't have time 2 keep a daily blog.

So I did some work on food issues an came to the realization that I was taught I could not trust myself and consequently my body when it comes to food. I began telling myself different things revolving around the idea that I can indeed trust. I also spoke to some people who are close to me about this. I've admitted I am powerless over my food addiction. As long as I refrain from gluten and milk I seem to do well. So I've decided against a more restrictive food plan... We will see what that does.

I've also been fairly sick w an infection. I missed aqua class for the past week and have only lifted 2xs this past week. Hopefully it clears up faster so I can get back in the pool!