Two Months Down!

Well, I am 8 weeks or two months into this year long challenge. I also recieved my 6mo abstinence token in OA yesterday. This has been a difficult yet important process for me. I'm finding that the longer I refrain from binging and compulsively eating, the more I am feeling my emotions. This is a double edged sword for me in some ways. On one hand, I am greatful for the ability to feel a wide range of emotions which ebb and flow through out the day. When I was in the throws of my food addicitons I felt my feelings in a very compartmentalized way. On the other hand, I am strongly feeling some rather unpleasant emotions as well. I'm using a lot of CBT and mindfulness practices to help me but sometimes it's hard.

I've still had trouble dialing in my food plan. Every so often I still give into the urge to eat gluten or sugar. This usually leads to me feeling sick but craving those foods even more. I don't binge but do find myself sneaking these foods into my meals. My goal for the next 4 weeks is to stay completely away from gluten, lactose (allergens) and sugar (including natural things like honey). I've also managed to stay away from snacking for the past couple of weeks and intend on keeping that practice. When I eat meals when I'm hungry, I seem to do better.

This new workout is really kicking my body into high gear. My fitness goal for the next 4 weeks is to lift 3x/wk and swim/do water aerobics 2x/wk. Both this goal and the one about food have to do with setting some bouandaries for myself as well. I have some strong inner children who have crazy temper tantrums when they don't get their own way. :) So, this will be interesting. The key is to follow my action plan which includes doing fun and healthy things when I'm starting to feel depressed/anxious. Also, to continue calling people who are supportive when things get shitty.

Thanks for reading and blessings to you on your journey. :)

Entry for 5/13 7 weeks

Well this blog I going to reflect the nature of having an eating disorder. I haven't binged or overate in almost 6 months. The issue I that I still have a lot of trouble staying away from foods that my body reacts negatively too. Namely, sugar and gluten. Staying away from lactose is fairly easy.

I believe that I've still lost weight because my clothes are loose and ifit into tighter pants. I'm also doing a strongman type fat Loss workout with my buddy and trying to hit aqua fit classes. My fitness level I already improving. So there are pros and cons. I'm going to beat this eating disorder I know it. Slowly but surely my eating habits are improving.

I've also had some really cool people in my life. Recently some ladies have also come into the picture...with one in particular being extra special. This is a mixed bag of a lot of happy an a little scary. Weight can help people hide and I'm aware that I thought people didn't notice me. Well life is proving that to be wrong. Progress is slow but the goal is just that an no perfection. :)

Week 6...trudging along :)

So I've made it to weeks without eating sugar, gluten or dairy. I'm still having lethargic moments but things seem to be working out well. I also lost 5lbs this month...slowly but surely it's happening. I've also been contending with various illnesses and my joints acting up. No matter! I won't give up.

This week in general has been busy but also pretty good. I'm tired and looking forward to resting which I sometimes have an issue with. My brain has been moving rather quickly a well so that has been difficult. I ten to manage my anxiety fairly well but at times those thoughts can get the best of us.

My goal for this week is to start focusing on eating to lower my cholesterol. Have a good week everyone!